A girl is in class with nothing to do but stare out a window. She has been single and lonely most of her life. All she see's outside is bits of her school. As she turns her head to look at the clock she see's a guy in the corner of her eye. She takes a quick look again and realizes that he is cute. The bell rings and she races out the door to look for him in the hallway, but he is not there.
During her period off she, falls asleep on a green table in the lunch court to a dream of her and her mystery guy sitting and having a picnic. She is woken up by her friend who flicks her ear. She walks home in discomfort that she may never see this guy again.
The next morning she wakes up with the sun shining in her face. She is determined to find this mystery guy who has taken her heart to another world. She dresses up all cute and puts on her make-up. During brunch, she see's a guy from a distance who looks like her mystery man. She walks up behind him and taps him on the shoulder... It turns out to be someone not so cute. She away through the crowd of people still searching.
During lunch, she goes to buy food and starving through the beginning half of her day. As she is waiting in line someone cuts her in line. She turns him around and starts to give him a piece of her mind. She suddenly slaps her hand over her mouth and realizes that it was the guy she saw through the window the other day during class. She starts to blush and feels really guilty about yelling at him. He gives her a disgusting look and walks away.
At the end of the day, she walks into a hall way and leans against a wall and slides down it in sadness. She realizes that she liked him and obviously probably blew it for him and her. She puts her head down through her crossed arms in disbelief to what she just did. She hears the door open to the left of her and looks up to see that it was the guy from the lunch line. He looks at her and she explains to him her sorrow. He looks confused and she questions it. She looks to her right from the corner of her eye as a man walks past the hallway. She then realizes that this guy has a twin brother. She feels twice as embarrassed and puts her head down. He then squats down and says his admiration for her and asks her out on a date. She rises her head up with the biggest smile ever and he kisses her on the cheek. They walk out of the hallway together happily ever after.
This story is very hilarious. I liked how you made it a humorous story about a girl trying to find her "true love". It was especially funny when she found out the mystery guy had a twin brother. I like how you made this story a "happily ever after" like the film Amelie.
ReplyDeleteGood story line, but needs a little more of a push to go after the guy, not just he is cute. Also add some stylistic devices from Amelie and use it in your shots. I really like the idea that he has a twin brother and that when she thought she thought she lost her chance with him she finds out it isn't him but his twin.
ReplyDeletegood idea. i wouldn't make it so conveluted though. keep it simple, spanning less time. the funnier stories are the ones where it is just one scene, but jam packed with hilarity. maybe you could do this instead: classroom-lunch she tries to find him-gets cut in line by his twin-she runs off and bumps into him in the hallway.
ReplyDeletetake out the not so cute guy (what guy can you find who will willingly play the ugly guy?) and the going home part(not necessary).
also, i think it would be funny if you show how confused she is when she bumps into him after yelling at his brother.
putting the details at the beginning of the girl being lonely and single all her life are adding a little too much detail. maybe you could show that she is lonely or doesn't have many friends in a different way. also there should be a more obvious connection between the two people, i understand the fantasy of love at first sight, but it might make it even more comedic or romantic to put in some sort of personality connection or similar interests.
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